Despair Demon

I have been attacked by a demon! Ok, so not the demons from movies that crawl out of a demon hole in the basement where people were ritually murdered and then destroy the house and rearrange my body parts. No this is more of a demon I created. It was feeding off the negative energy within me that I just felt too weak to shake.

Here is how it happened. I’m not even 10 days into ending my career and working on my visibility and offerings for my new business. The world, meanwhile, is absolutely insane. My government is involved in a “war” that is killing children, supporting genocide and ethnic cleansing, setting the land of my ancestors ablaze and purposely targeting helping and humanitarian professionals. All this, I believe, to distract from the wealthy, powerful criminals facing pedophilia and trafficking exposure and, inshallah, JUSTICE. This doesn’t even scrape the surface.

So how can I be thinking about social media content to boost my visibility and connect with my soulmate clients and community with all of this? My thoughts spiral, my emotions go to a dark place, my body becomes weak from lack of nutrition and calories - the mind-body-spirit trifecta of demon creation. I became angry and hopeless. I started explaining to my dog that I’m such an idiot for thinking I could just walk right into a successful new life. Then on the clock I see “11:11” and cynically say, “see even the angels agree I’m an idiot.” Now at this, I laughed because angels are nothing but love energy and I knew I was being a brat.

The demon whispered its mantras to me:

You shouldn’t have quit because now you’ll never be able to support yourself.

Why are you going to the grocery story? You won’t be able to afford food after those house problems get fixed.

You’re such a mess, how can you help others?

No one understands what you’re trying to do. That’s why they don’t talk to you about it. You don’t even know what you’re doing. They just don’t want to say it to you.

You. Are. A. Failure.

Sound familiar? This probably went on for 3 days until I had a session with my wonderful coach and voice notes from an amazing spiritual mentor. Finally, my coach took me through an exercise I would have done for anyone who came to me with this - describe the demon and talk to it. Immediately I sensed a shadowy figure with a sour disposition trying to whisper more lies to me. My gut reaction was to say, “GTFO, Despair Demon. There’s no place for you here.” How can I believe its lies? I spent months listening to my intuition to bring me to where I am now and STILL I believed the lies. This was different though. I knew they were lies. A testament to my personal growth, I knew logically these were all ego fears creeping in at a time when powers in the world really don’t want people like me to shine a light. I knew this was temporary and would pass. However, it was up to me to call in my powers and through me, divine energy to cast it out.

By the time I got to the ritual I wanted to perform, the demon was already evaporating. I had already set the intention to stop this spiral and that’s what’s important: our belief in our power to create change and the intention to do so. Picking up a Sacred Heart of Jesus candle, I felt the familiar tears behind my eyes and tingling in my face - the ego surrendered to my higher self, my soul. I played a crystal bowl attuned to the root chakra to get out of my head and ground my energy. I countered the demon’s lies with:

I quit a job that sucked life energy out of me after having developed a plan to support myself the entire calendar year.

I spend money on what I need and what makes me happy because I planned for this financially. I’m good with money and won’t do anything stupid.

I AM a GORGEOUS mess and messy shadow work, being human, is what makes me a great candidate to help others.

Those who need to understand what I do will come to me and we will vibe. The rest don’t need to be part of this.

I. Am. A. Success. Success for me is happiness, purpose, aligning to that purpose through learning and growing, and enough money to live happily and travel the world, giving back along the way.

I tell you this story because I believe SO many of you can relate to this and I wanted you to see that we have the divine power within us to heal and save ourselves. We need to keep doing it. We need to keep going. For the children of the Levant and Iran. For the soldiers sent needlessly to their deaths being used by sociopaths feeding off their own demons. For a better world tomorrow, heal yourself today. I love you for reading this far. I see your beautiful light - keep shining, babe. xoxo