Queer Spirituality
One of the most difficult things to reconcile in my life was my spirituality and my queerness. I was raised in a church that, like many, told me I was wrong and there was a place for me, but not the same as everyone else. When you don’t know any better and already feel like you don’t have a place in the world, in your school, in your family, or anywhere else, you just accept it as a hard truth. Many will give up here and leave spirituality or religion altogether. Who can blame anyone for that choice? Why would you want to keep feeling like you don’t belong while you hear the preaching about love and acceptance?
Slowly as I started to shed the oppression and make my own path, I found myself not even being embraced by the queer community because I was very spiritual. Well now imagine a young man who already carries an inner child who feels like he doesn’t belong and SHOULDN’T belong anywhere, and then being judged by your own queer community who you thought would understand. Sure there were pockets of acceptance and places I could belong, but they never lasted. They were never quite everything I needed.
So what did I need? What I needed was radical self-acceptance and self-love. I needed to change the mindset that I didn’t fit into any community and realize it’s the systems that don’t fit me. They were only designed for a specific community. These systems have colonizing backgrounds that protect certain people and reward them for compliance. I speaking about organized religion. There are absolutely indigenous and ancient spiritual traditions that embraced queer culture and even honored it in a special way.
So now what? Why do I still post so many Catholic-ish themes on social media? Why do I attend churches and events that don’t align with my belief system? The truth is I still find beauty in so many of the traditions I was raised with. I love the chants, the songs, and rituals. I have taken what works for me and left the rest behind. I have learned that if ANY institution ever tells me, “this is how you MUST…” the alarms go off and I pay attention. Why must I? Who does that benefit? Because that works for you, it should work for me? I don’t go to church to worship; I go for a feeling - a state of being - a collective energy work we are all doing in one space.
Another way to think about this is like being in a committed relationship. You don’t have to love everything that person does or believe everything they believe. But if you’re comfortable with the compromise you’re making and it doesn’t compromise your personal values, then that is just love. “Compromise” can be a triggering word for a lot of people so I just want to acknowledge what might be coming up for you. Instead, maybe think of it as loving your relationship with your spiritual practices vs. loving the flawed institution that established the tradition or continues to practice it. This should never be a perfect process. It is in the conflict and feeling stuck that we explore growth.
To put it simply, I have made spirituality whatever the F works for me. A year from now, it could look totally different. And that’s amazing! I have my own rituals at home. I have combined Maronite Catholic tradition, astrology, tarot, Wicca, meditation, energy work, and much more into what I call my spiritual practice. I participate in what feels right and expansive to my understanding of the universe and the Light within us all.
So, what works for you? If this is something you want to start exploring, think about the following:
What about your spiritual practice feels like a chore? Where does that feeling come from?
What practices are truly yours? Why do you take ownership of them? How do you benefit?
What are things that bring you peace and joy (nature walk, workouts, naps, cooking, etc)?
Where have you felt like you don’t fit? Could it be that the system doesn’t fit you?
Wishing you all the peace and joy in your spiritual exploration. If you want to work with a life coach on this process, I’d be SO excited to sit with you on this journey.
